Gratuitous advertising

Dear Readers,
If you are of a sciencey-bent and have some spare time, check out my friend's blog and read some ruminations on monsters, volcanos, philandering men, oh, and Mary Shelley:
http://tinyacorns.net/

If you are of a more photo-y mood, check out the recently updated photo site of my dear hubby (who has a photography addiction like I have a horse addiction :-) :
http://www.brianhallphoto.com/

I promise an actual update on life in Blacksburg soon!
- Cat

Dax is going to be famous!!

And I'm going to get my jumping form torn to shreds.

What is this all about?  Why, a picture of Dax and myself jumping is up to be critiqued by none other than George Morris in Practical Horseman's Jumper clinic column!

So I imagine all my non-horsey friends are wondering what the heck I'm talking about.  Brief background:
1) Practical Horseman is a popular equine magazine focused on jumping/hunter style english riding.
2) George Morris is a SUPER famous trainer/coach/rider dude who has been running a column in the monthly magazine for...I don't know....ever?  A long time anyway.  His approach to form and showing is from a previous generation/classical hunter approach and he has very particular preferences about how riding and showing should be done.
3) In this column, he takes three pictures of people riding over a jump and critiques each rider's form, horse's form, cleanliness, tack, etc.  Offers tips and suggestions for correcting mistakes and training stuff.

The point?  The picture of Dax and myself jumping is going to be published in a reallyio-trulio magazine with national distribution!!  It only took four years :-)  Yup, submitted the photo four years ago - the magazine uses photos in the order in which they are submitted.  It's a pretty popular column!

What photo might I be referring to?  Why, this one!

 
Of course I think it's great and that both Dax's and my form are pretty darned good....but Morris is a stickler and ALWAYS finds stuff.  I'm preparing for a major picking-apart.  So if you want to see Dax and myself in print, check out the December copy of Practical Horseman (they're always at Barnes and Noble, probably any tack stores, etc.).

I just want everyone to look carefully at Dax's expression here....if anyone ever questioned that horses' like to jump, here's the proof.  Dax freakin' loved it, and I loved jumping with her.  I miss that so much.

Horse hazards

This will be a short post....because my hand freaking hurts.

 Ok, so it doesn't look nearly as gory in the pic as it does in real life....normally I can see the bones in the back of my hand clearly, just to give you an idea of the swelling.  The bruising is deep and developing slowly, but I don't think anything is broken as I can still move everything and pressure doesn't create any stabbing pains (I'm typing pretty effectively right now).

Sunday, after spending an hour doting on my half-sleeping horse (it was bath time) and hand grazing her for another 10mins, we headed back to her pasture.  The breeze was up, it was a beautiful evening and she perked up as we headed up the hill.  We were just through the first gate when she majorly spooked, dove forward and yanked me along with her as I had a pretty good grip on the lead rope.  Meaning my hands where right out in front of me when she sent a rear hoof directly at me, catching me in the back of both hands and across my left forearm.

Needless to say I let go of the lead rope.  Which is a good thing, because otherwise I would have strangled her with it.

Dax went tearing off.  After I assessed the damage (can move everything, no major blood, have feeling again) I followed to catch and return her to her pasture.  Of course she gives me these" Oh HI mom!  Where have you been?"eyes and actually walks to me across the rest of the field.  She nuzzled my scraped up arm after I let her loose in her pasture, probably smelling some of the blood.

Idiot. Horse.

Just goes to show it doesn't matter how much your horse loves/fears/trusts/knows you....if something scares it badly, they know they can run faster than you, and the fastest one survives.  Bomb-proof horses are a myth, and any horse that can stand on four feet can still kick and bite.  Shoot, they can bite even if they're lying down!  While I've never had that particular incident happen, I do have some nice bite scars, along with permanent dents in my quads where a filly double-barrelled me in a stall, and and old scar below the bikini line where a horse caught me in a pasture and hairline fractured my pelvis.  That's not including the concussion from falling off.....

So you remember the last horse post where I talked about how every time I get on a horse I am trusting it with my life?  I want to amend that to be "Any time I am within 20ft of a horse, I am trusting it with my life."

More later, but right now there's an ice pack calling my name.

Need more motor in my motor-vate...

This is bad.  Very bad.

I'm using lab work to procrastinate on class work.  Ok, technically right now I'm using blogger to procrastinate, but this morning the former was true.

I should be studying for immunology (whee! neutrophil enzymes!) and for my systems biology exam on Monday but no....I decided to work on my fellowship application.  Er, applications.  *sigh*  This is dangerous territory.  Yes, I was being productive and the fellowships are due in the beginning of December, so it's not trivial stuff....but if I'm not careful I'll be rocking my lab work and failing all my classes :-(

Oh, for those of you science-minded, I'm applying for an NIH F31 (NRSA) fellowship (application almost identical to an R21).  For those of you non-sciencey people, this means I'm writing a 6 page proposal for a specific project that I want the National Institutes of Heath to give me money to study.  I get to convince them in 6 pages that 1) the disease I want to study is important 2) there's lots of sound science out there supporting my hypothesis 3) I can efficiently test my hypothesis and have backup plans should experiments fail 4) that my idea is innovative.  I also have to convince them that I'm generally awesome, have an awesome mentor at an awesome school and that they are investing taxpayers dollars in the career of a future brilliant scientist.  Riiiiiiiiiight......
I used the plural "applications" b/c I'm actually writing two, which are semi-related.  Which-ever comes out the best will be the one I actually submit to NIH.  These also happen to be the two projects my mentor wants me to develop for my thesis, so it's all inter-connected and will serve an important purpose (project proposal to my committee!)  regardless of my ability to woo NIH into giving me money.

Oh, and it's not like I'd be making bank or anything.....it's really all for the glory of saying "I am funded by NIH". ("bitches" could be added at the end of that, depending on context of delivery.  For example, it would be appropriate to brag "I am funded by NIH, bitches!" to snotty medical students questioning the validity of a veterinarian doing research, but probably best not used for interview applications)

POLL RESULTS:
On a completely different note, the consensus of my dear 5 readers is that the rambles shall continue, un abated.  Well, it was confirmed to me that I actually have more than 5 readers and I should have had the poll up longer, but considering the response I got was unanimous for keeping the blog as it is, I'm not too worried about it :-)  You like me!  You really like me!!!!!

But my professors aren't going to like me if I don't get on top of this studying....so back to the books!

One more day for polling!

That's right...one more day to cast yer opinion on blog style.  Please vote and reassure me that I have more than 4 readers.  It's lonely out here in cyber space!  

As for rambles: tomorrow is the annual Vet college research symposium.  All the students (MS and PhD) are required to present posters or a talk of their research projects, except for us newbies who haven't been in lab long enough.  It's going to be an interesting mix of clinically-oriented stuff as well as basic science research.  I saw a couple of posters early and I think it's going to be cool (how common tap water contaminants cause mouse embryo developmental defects...yikes!)  It's always good to know what your compet...I mean, colleagues are up to.  heehee!


So bring on the pastries, Folgers coffee and non-dairy creamer!  (standard scientific-talk fare)  Hope my arse doesn't go numb from all the sitting.  The only other thing I have tomorrow is a seminar class which consists of attending an hour long talk by a visiting professor.  Yup....lots of sitting tomorrow.....

I want some feedback!

So it has come to my attention *cough* hubby *cough* that sometimes my posts are kind of long.  Ok, my posts are almost always long.

I recognize the current blog pattern is long posts less frequently.  I have a tendency to ramble and try to explain everything completely.  BUT...I can change!  I could go for the shorter/lighter/more frequent posts instead:  Would you like to know what color I just painted my toes?? (Maple leaf red, btw).

To find out what my dear friends/family/readership prefers to read, I've created a poll at the top of right column.  Let me know if you think the posts are too long, just right, or not clear/long enough.

Constructive criticism is necessary for all growth.  So let 'er rip!  You have until 9/30 (Friday) to let me know what you think.....Go!

The latest hurdle

Dax is officially being retired.

I finally had the VT vets out to re-check her, and the gist is that the bone cyst in her left stifle is actually WORSE, and her joint is showing signs of degeneration.  The meniscus (the fibrous pad that cushions the large bones of the knee joint in horses and peoples) is ragged looking, the joint capsule is thickened and there's a lot of fluid accumulation.  This was all determined with Xray and ultrasound.

On top of that, the head vet mention bone cysts are often bi-lateral, so they did a quick Xray of her right (good) stifle and found a matching bone cyst there.  Why that one hasn't caused her any problems while the left one is so bad, we'll never know, but it certainly paints a dimmer picture.  We did discuss possible further treatments for the left painful joint, and the vet explained that her chances of responding to any intervention were slim, especially since the steroid injection failed to help.  In addition to that, the only other possibilities would be upwards of $5K.  On no planet does it make sense to spend $5K for a treatment that has a slim chance of helping a horse that is valued at less than half that amount.

So Dax is going into retirement until the joint pain decreases her quality of life, and then she'll have to be put down.  She is walking around her very hilly pasture just fine right now, but if she trots on her own you can see how lame she is.  I need to find her a new home that is smaller and less hilly, and preferably with calmer friends (right now there area  couple of young and very active herd members that keep everybody moving around quite a bit).  

This typed explanation isn't conveying the emotions tied up in the situation well....the best analogy I can come up with is trying to find a good nursing home for a parent.  Think about it: she has no control over how she is treated, I'm looking for good living accommodations as well as attentive care-takers, and money is a significant hurdle.  I guess it's also analogous to trying to find good daycare for a child, but the guilt of trying to find a retirement home for Dax can only be like the guilt of putting a family member in nursing care.  Yes, I feel guilty about this because if I only had unlimited funds I'd give her every treatment/surgery possible, give her a stall at the nicest barn I could find very close to me and treat her just the same as if she was being ridden, out of respect for the time I've had to ride her.  But instead I'm trying to find the cheapest but safe living arrangement for her since she is no longer ride-able.  

This is the dichotomy of horse ownership for a lot of us amateur owners.  Equines are neither pets nor livestock.  They hover between these two categories in some emotionally complex classification that defies rational decision-making.  The connection between myself and Dax rests on riding - without riding, our relationship consists of me delivering treats and her enjoying that but otherwise not really interacting.  Equines typically (and there are exceptions to every rule) do not "bond" to their owners the way a dog does.  Yes, Dax does recognize me compared to a stranger, and responds differently to me than to other people, but she doesn't love me....she understands me, and she trusts me.  It is a trust built up over seven years of weird and sometimes risky adventures.  

That's the foundation of our relationship: that when ever I would get on her back, she was trusting me with her life, and I was trusting her with mine.  There is a profound level of trust build between a horse and rider that many take for granted - take a look at a bucking bronco if you don't remember what horses are capable of and how they should respond to a predator climbing up on their back.  The trust they show a  rider when they calmly allow that rider on their back goes against thousands of years of evolution.  

That trust goes the other way too.  I've been thrown and dragged by enough other horses (and pissy little school ponies) to be cautious with any horse I get on.  I'm not one of those riders who was in the saddle in utero and is fearless....I started riding in highschool.  I'm well aware of how far down it is from a horse's back and how hard that ground really is (and how landing in "soft" sand is actually like having sandpaper rubbed down your skin).  But Dax has repeatedly demonstrated her sensible nature and through her trust in me, her willingness to calmly handle unfamiliar situations.  I trust her to stop and let me know when she's scared or unsure rather than freak out and take off, or rear, or buck.  Not that she hasn't reared before or bucked a couple of times....she's a horse.  But she's done those things a total of three times (yes, I can remember and count exactly when those things happened) and I know why they happened.  After all this time together, I understand her responses, what she can handle and what she can't.  I can trust her to be safe for me to ride bareback in a halter.

With riding, she's like a pet: a healthy emotional and physical outlet.  Without riding, Dax becomes livestock....not exactly serving much purpose.

I guess the best description of my relationship with Dax is like those friendships that are based on a shared experience or interest, but are transient.  Sometimes those friendships can be very deep and intense, but when the commonality is gone, there's little left to foster further friendship.  That's exactly like Dax and I - without riding, we don't have much in common.  But the memory of that relationship, the meaning of that relationship, is not diminished by it's ending.  I am still responsible for her well being, a commitment I made when I bought her.  In the same way I would never abandon a dog b/c I was moving and finding a pet-friendly apt was hard, I will not abandon Dax b/c she can no longer be ridden.  

This is not a simple question of selling my beloved horse b/c I can no longer afford her....she can't go on to a loving family that will ride and care for her b/c she's broken.  It's become clear she'll never be able to be ridden again.  In addition to this she should never be bred, b/c bone cysts have a mysterious but subtle genetic link, so retiring to a broodmare farm isn't an option.  She's become the kind of horse that will get handed around if sold/given away, likely end up at an auction and ultimately shipped to Canada or Mexico where horse slaughter is still legal.  While I actually do not have a problem with HUMANE slaughter, it is very clear that current shipping, handling and slaughter of horses is FAR from humane in most cases.  I refuse to blindly hand her off to some unknown person pretending this scenario couldn't possibly happen to her.  If it can happen to a Kentucky Derby winner, it can damn sure happen to my broken little pony. 

So I'm looking into options, and there are some good ones out there.  They are just few, underfunded and usually have a waiting list b/c there are so many broken horses out there looking for safe and respectful retirement.  The control freak in me is loathe to hand over ownership so I can snatch her out of a bad arrangement if necessary, but the married responsible side of me knows I'm not in a financial position to be picky.  

I'll keep you posted.